Book Review: Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason.

This book was really really interesting. I would really be interested in having other parents reading this book and telling me what you think. I will warn you that I have a feeling that some of the book would tick people off, because it questions many things that most parents commonly do (myself included).I was a little on the defense during some parts of the book when it talked about things I do, but in general, I love the challenge of reading something that makes me question how I parent and live my life. How can we improve if we don't learn about ideas that question how we do things? How I will incorporate some of the changes mentioned in the book... I am still brainstorming, but I have some ideas in the works.
Although there are some concepts in the book that are harder for me to grasp and I am still trying to figure out if I totally agree with Kohn on.... the main concept of the book is amazing. When we use rewards (sticker charts, overusing the phrase "good job") and punishments (lots of times outs, "Because I said so" mentality, or physical punishment to name a few examples), we are often times teaching kids to do or not do xyz because of what the result will be (good or bad), and we are taking the focus away from teaching them to do things because they are right.
Kohn says: "How do we raise our children to be really happy? That's an important question, but here's another one? How do we raise our children to be concerned about whether other people are happy? It's important that we don't allow the first issue to upstage the second, or for that matter, that we don't spend more energy trying to get kids to be polite and well behaved than trying to help them become genuinely compassionate and committed to doing the right thing. We want our kids to ask, "How will doing x make the other kid feel?" not, "Am I allowed to do x?."
Read this book. Like I said, it will make you a little or maybe really defensive depending on your current parenting style, but I am excited to explore my parenting style more to make sure that I am teaching my kids (through word and example) how to treat others and to leave the behavioristic part of parenting behind when possible.
Okay to end this post (I have a way of dragging things out, don't I?), I will just write some points to work on to become a more unconditional parent that are mentioned in the book:
1)Be reflective
2)Reconsider your requests
3)Keep your eye on the long term goals
4)Put the relationship first
5)Change how you see , not just how you act.
6)R-E-S-P-E-C-T!
7)Be authentic
8)Talk less, ask more.
9)Keep their ages in mind.
10)Attribute to children the best possible motive consistent with the facts.
11)Don't stick your no's in unnecessarily.
12)Don't be rigid.
13) Don't be in a hurry.

Soap Box: Consumption in America

I had a sick feeling in my gut all day yesterday after I saw this article in the New York Times:
I never go shopping the day after Thanksgiving, because it gives me anxiety thinking about a bunch of Americans in stores pushing each other around so they can save $20 on a kitchen aid (not saying that everyone is pushy obviously). I enjoy good shopping (too much sometimes), but shopping during the holiday season is not fun for me.
We as a society need to slow down. The fact that something like this could happen is just too difficult for me to imagine. It is disgusting and I am so sad that someone had to die because of people's need to consume. Hopefully this will be a lesson to us all! It definitely makes me rethink how I consume and do things.

Baby Steps

Right now it is 9:30 on Thursday night, and I am proud of myself. This is the first night I have begun the weaning process from Grey's Anatomy. I been a lover and defender of Grey's Anatomy for a long time, but it is just getting ridiculous. Come on Izzie, you are doing what with your ghost boyfriend? I have to draw the line somewhere to the trashiness, although I don't want to because I am addicted. No offense to anyone else who loves the show, because I do/did too.... I just want to try to fill my time with more worthwhile things... like blogging Haa.. :). (p.s. I know that my blog is getting lame without pictures, but my camera is broken and I need to send it off to get fixed).

Good Advice

I like my doctor. He is not your average doctor. I think that I mentioned in another post that he is the one who initially planted the idea of natural childbirth into my head. When I have asked him questions about circumcision/vaccinations and many other topics, he is open to listening to my ideas and then in a fatherly way telling me his ideas.
At Gabe's last well child appointment, I was telling him about sleep issues... namely the fact that he doesn't sleep great. I explained to him that he slept with us for the first 11 months and that he was having a much harder time adjusting to the crib than Sofia did when we transitioned her around the same age. The first thing he asked me is if they sleep in the same room. I explained to him that Gabe is a really light sleeper and that Sofia would wake him up all of the time so they are in different rooms. He told me that he wonders if they would sleep better if they shared a room. He then went on to tell me his fatherly story of how at one point, he had 5 of his own children in the same bedroom when they lived in a small apartment, and that they all slept great with the comfort of having siblings close by.
That night I went home and asked Sofia if she wanted to move her bed into Gabe's room. She was so excited..... and we all lived happily ever after.. J/K. Things are not perfect still, but Gabe is sleeping better, and they are both so happy being in the same room. Why didn't I think of this before? It makes sense that kids would sleep better together and be happier with the closeness of another human that they love. Most of us would believe the contrary (and Sofia has woken Gabe up a couple of times), but it just makes sense. I'm not saying that this is a cure all for sleep problems, because like I said, things are not perfect, but don't be afraid to try at least if you are running out of options!

Christmas Music

I had to do it. I got carried away making a playlist of Christmas music. I know that it may be too early, but I love love love Christmas music. Why I get all teary eyed when I hear Judy Garland sing "Have yourself a merry little Christmas,"... I do not know. Christmas music brings such a great spirit into the home. I am already adding a disclaimer that some of the people I chose are cheesy. Clay Aiken is a dork (not that we all aren't too), but the boy has pipes for singing Christmas music. Enjoy!

Look Alike

It is always funny to see who people say your kids look like. People always say that Gabe looks just like Chris, and I never really saw it all the way, until my father-in-law sent this picture. Holy Cow!

The Omnivore's Dilemma

We've all heard the old saying "Ignorance is bliss." Let me tell you friends, when it comes to what we eat, Ignorance is bliss. Once you read this book, you will not be able to eat the same. I promise. This book traces the history of 4 different meals. 1)Mcdonalds 2)Whole Foods 3)Food from a local amazing farm 4)He does his own hunting and gathering for a meal. This book is not a fast read. I actually didn't finish the last 75 pages in time for book club, so you may be thinking that it is boring, but it isn't. It is just a lot of information to process. The first 50 pages alone talk about corn. While I'm on the subject, the overuse of corn in our country is freaky. You'd have to read the book to understand, but the next time you go to the grocery story, see how many items you can find in the cereal isle that don't have some sort of corn as an ingredient.
Another topic they talk about that is insane, is where our meat comes from. What is injected into beef to make them beef up, ready to slaughter so fast, how many organic "free range" chickens are still treated horribly and live in disgusting circumstances.
The book even explores the idea of organic. Organic is better then most alternatives, but since this market has been industrialized, it too has many many flaws. Eating locally is the best. Okay, this was a lameo cliff note version of the book... but there is so much to talk about, I don't even know where to start. We had such a great conversation about this book at book club. Although I still have many things to work on concerning being aware of where my food comes, here are some things I am working on to try to be more conscientious of not only what I eat, but where it really comes from.
1)I buy local eggs from free range grass fed chickens (this is important) from a friend every week.
2)I try not to buy anything that has "High fructose corn syrup" on the label or "partially hydrogenated oil."
3)In the summer, I buy pretty much all of my produce locally or pick as much as I can. I actually have a little bit of an obsession with this if you will remember from a previous post of mine. I like seeing where my food comes from. I like harvesting. I like being outside with my kids.
4) I try to make as much homemade food as I can... thus avoiding processed food as much as possible. (Obviously we eat processed foods too... I just try to keep it to a minimum). I am on a homemade applesauce kick right now, and I try to make homemade bread when I can.
5) Meat... I am having a hard time deciding what to do with meat. I am not ready to throw in the towel and become a vegetarian, but I do have issues with meat. I buy non-hormone oregon chicken... but this probably isn't good enough. I am not sure what I will do with chicken. I also found a place that sells oregon beef that is hormone free. I really want to find someone who will sell me part of their grass fed cow next summer so I can freeze it. The ultimate thing I am learning about meat is that we really should eat it sparingly. I need to make more vegetarian meals, and I also am starting to use less meat when I do cook with it.

This list is not mean to make people feel bad if they are not doing the things on this list, because like I said, I have a lot of things to work on. I was already doing some of these things before I read the book, but the book made me want to be even better. Read the book and tell me what you think!!